Good News Bad News

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

More following this pattern :-)

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?
Patient: Uhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess.
Doctor: You only have one week left to live.
Patient: Oh no! What good news can you possibly tell me now?
Doctor: Well, you know that really hot-looking nurse who just came in here? I'm taking her out to dinner tonight, and who knows where the night will end!

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Doctor: I have some good news and I have some bad news, which shall I tell first?
Patient: Do begin with the bad news, please.
Doctor: Alright. Your son has drowned, your daughter has been raped, your wife has divorced you, your house got blown away, and you have AIDS.
Patient: Good grief! What's the good news?
Doctor: The good news is that there is no more bad news.

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This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Guy: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.
Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

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