10 Ways to Get Fired
- Day one: Start an official sounding rumor about your boss
being considered for a big promotion. Day two: Spread a rumor
that the promotion involves your boss heading up a new facility
in Chechnya.
- Whenever a co-worker asks if you want coffee, say, "No
thanks, it doesn't mix well with thorazine."
- Attach 10 or so bottles of white-out to the inside of your
suit jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker, surreptitiously
open your jacket and whisper, 'I got white-out here; three bucks
a pop; good quality stuff; who needs white-out?'
- Bring several large mason jars to work and fill them part
way with water and yellow food coloring; display them
conspicuously around your workspace. Tell anyone who asks about
them that you are just taking part in an efficiency study that
your boss came up with to cut down on the time employees spend
away from their desks.
- Tell your boss that you intend to spread out your vacation
time by taking off one minute out of every 25. Spend all your
time 'planning' your vacations.
- Dress like a pirate for the office Halloween party. Dress
like a pirate every other day of the year as well.
- Secretly replace the coffee your boss usually drinks
with new Folger's Crystals.
- Keep a tally of what your boss wears on 'casual' Friday.
when you see a pattern develop, distribute the tally to
co-workers and start a weekly pool.
- Sign up your boss as a volunteer for Junior Achievement,
Save The Children Foundation, Keep America Beautiful, the local
branch of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, UNICEF, Hands Across
America, Points of Light Foundation, and the kicker, AARP.
- Set everyone's desk and PC clock ahead one hour and go home
early.